Life or Death (Part Two)

Your choices make the difference.

Part Two – how we fix the world. All of us. Together. Part one is here.

It is still possible to raise good kids. You may need to reimagine what the good life looks like. Material wealth isn’t it. It doesn’t hurt – I have no issue with plentiful money! But beyond being comfortably housed with enough to eat, wear, and pursue some hobbies and education, some leisure time, more money doesn’t make anybody happier. The more stuff you have, the more to worry about, take care of, keep up, organize, store, move, and take up brain space.

Have as many kids as you can take care of, if you can provide that basic level of support and comfort. Kids don’t need to have every toy and possession, to be involved in every sport and activity. They mostly need YOU.

If you can possibly avoid it, don’t use daycare. I’ve worked in daycare when I was a teen – and those kids were lonely for their parents. They got used to the routine, they survived during the day – and they lit up when their tired, overworked parents came to get them. That’s what they lived for. Only I understand now that for the most part, their parents took them home, fed them dinner and got them baths, and put them to bed so they could have a little downtime themselves.

For two-parent households, really add up the cost of working. Do that cost/benefit analysis. Your kids are young for such a short period of time. Is your job that important to society? Are you really so needed outside the home? Are you the main financial support of the family? Is the money you’re bringing in (over and above the cost of daycare, prepared meals, work clothes, etc.) that essential to the family? Are there other costs you could cut out to afford a stay-at-home parent, or a job you could do from home? Does your boss appreciate you so much more than your family does?

Think about how you’ll feel when the kids graduate. Will you look back with regrets over the missed time with them? Especially if you can see any issues now. When they’re 18 – or 25 – you’ll see those issues so much more clearly. Because the end results will be far more apparent.

This isn’t a guilt trip attempt – this is a lament for my own choices, and their cost to my own kids. I could have quit working after a couple of years when we had some serious issues that had sent me back into the workforce. Those issues resolved, but I was looking at the costs of upcoming teenagers – cars, insurance, school fees. At a house that was in need of repairs. Real issues, but not more important than my kids. They needed me more, and I was too busy, too stressed, too tired. I could have made other choices, and I didn’t. We were more comfortable financially, but it wasn’t worth it.

The other thing that I would choose differently had I known how things would turn out is I would have gone back to home schooling. Even in an area with well-rated schools, even with charter schools. Nothing beats home schooling. There’s no substitute for one-on-one instruction. And the damage from peer pressure and exposure too young to all the craziness out there destroyed my kids. There’s no life success that they would have missed out on by being home. Learn from my mistakes. Please.

Along with home schooling, I really, really wish that I’d have been much more relaxed about what and how much they learned. That I had taken much more time to involve them in working in and around the house, in teaching them to do the stuff I shooed them away from while I did the work. That was stupid. Teach your kids to use tools, to repair, clean, mend, garden, whatever you do. Mine learned to cook, and that mom was too picky to let them help with pretty much anything else.

Teach them to serve others. By doing it yourself! And involving them. Go to church. Take a dish to the potluck. Collect donations. Shovel snow for a neighbor. Participate in fundraisers. Visit someone who’s lonely and let them talk. Serve each other within the family and appreciate each other’s service. Be kind, laugh with each other, have fun.

Teach forgiveness. Forgive others yourself. Be forbearing. Put up with each other. Overlook each other’s faults. Make your relationships more important than your ego. Estrangement destroys families and is one of the major forces sweeping through the world right now, driven by self-actualization therapists who encourage their clients/victims to dump their families over perceived hurts and slights.

You’ll most likely have decades of your own life left after your kids are raised. Time for a career, for whatever you choose to pursue. Take each season of life as it comes, and don’t worry too much about the next, and don’t try to cram everything into the current one. It won’t fit, and something WILL break.

The world isn’t going to get fixed with one grand gesture, one billionaire, one president. The world isn’t one person, there isn’t one thing wrong with it. It will take many, many small deeds and gestures, many, many good parents willing to raise good kids. If you don’t have kids, be there for other people.

Go forth with love and good-will. You are needed.

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